Reflection

•2010/04/23 • Leave a Comment

With the news that another family member has suddenly passed away, I immediately launched into sympathetic mode. I was returning a favor, since they had been so supportive of me when my father passed away last year.

Or … were they?

In that instant, I realized that despite so many details being burned into my memories, so many others were simply gone. Most of these details dealt with the days following his death. I remember people reached out to us, sending cards and stories and support. But that’s just it … I remember that people did it. Not persons. Not individuals.

And now, guilt hits me. I hope that I had thanked these sympathizers. If I hadn’t, they probably will never hear my gratitude.

Random Fact: Dad and I used to play various games (checkers, chess, chinese checkers, etc.), watch 1950s science/horror movies together, and play NES & SNES video games together. It was our little ritual, our bonding time. To this day, some of my favorite activities revolve around these interests. I am my father’s daughter.

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Freedom

•2010/04/22 • 1 Comment

I start a new and better job in 3 weeks (March 17th). I escape the hellish environment in which I’ve been laboring for two years and ye gods, I cannot wait.

How hellish, do you say? Well, here’s an example:

When my dad passed away and I was out for a little over a week (using grievance leave as per human resources’ protocol), my boss went through my desk, rearranged parts of it and then lectured me about how “things built up” in my absence. Not once did he express condolences or say that he understood if I needed some time to myself that first day back. At no point during my grievance leave did he take over the duties that I do, even though he had ample free time (he plays Solitaire on his computer all day). No. I got bitched at. Apparently it was irresponsible for me to be out so long and that I had violated Human Resources’ policies (I repeatedly asked how but was never told). Even though I was extremely displeased with my work situation before that, that specific incident is what completely broke me.

There are many, many more examples. Like how often I’m reduced to tears at work because BOSS screams at me for being insubordinate, when in actuality I’m exactly following the directions that he’d forgotten he’d told me about. Like how many times I have to drop what I’m doing because he’s lost a very important document and it’s MY fault, somehow, so by the gods I have to find it (9 times out of 10, it’s sitting on his desk, in plain view). Like how he makes a point of telling customers to speak to him because ‘she’ (and I’m the only female in that department) doesn’t know anything (yet most customers call back & specifically request to speak to me because I’m friendlier and more helpful; a few weeks ago, a customer came in and my boss told her that we had nothing she could use for her project. I pulled her over and found so many things that she could use that she ended up staying all day and came back the next). Like how he can’t remember what my job actually entails (my predecessor died suddenly and my BOSS is extremely elderly), yet lectures me and ridicules me and even punishes me because I’m not completing all of my job’s duties.

And in three glorious weeks, I am free.

Free. Free. Free.

Ugh

•2010/04/08 • Leave a Comment

So, one lovely medical thing that’s been happening to me is a complete lack of cycle. Until Tuesday, I hadn’t cycled at all since Christmas. The reason that’s strange is that the BCP completely regulated my cycle; I could tell you down to the hour when my new cycle was starting.

Well, Tuesday afternoon, it started again. Today, three months’ worth of pent-up hormones slammed me. I am fighting serious urges, like not biting people’s heads off or not screaming and punching the walls.

Oh, hormones, how I loathe thee.

Random Fact: I’m absolutely terrified of certain types of heights. I freeze on ladders or planks stretched across a gap but I’m perfectly fine, at any height, if the walkway has handrails I can death-grip onto.

Me, the person

•2010/04/08 • Leave a Comment

I’m currently 25 years old. I’m married to one of the first men I met at college; he and I ran into each other four or five times during that first week of college where every night is some big social thing to help freshmen adjust to the university. We eventually started talking because I was sitting in the laundry room (to protect my clothes from panty raiders) and I was reading a book on Buddhist philosophy/religion. We had a few casual dates before splitting off and dating other people. About a year later, after we had both ended relationships with other people, we came back together (summer 2004). On September 11th, 2006, he proposed to me and on June 11th, 2007, we eloped.

I hold a Bachelor’s in Creative Writing and am working towards my Master’s. Whenever people hear that I’m an English major, their immediate response is, “Oh, so you’re going to teach?” I’ve been asked that so much that I no longer cringe when I hear that question. I guess people don’t realize how many career paths draw upon the English degree (here’s a site that has a huge list of examples).  I’ve always been interested in technical writing, which works because I also hold several certificates in IT-related things. Unfortunately, most tech writing positions assume that you already have years of tech writing experience, so … yeah. Bleh.

I work in the Rare Books/Archives department at a university library. We take in so many different types of collections: a person’s personal papers (diary, memoirs, self-published books, genealogy, etc.), a person’s professional papers (signed manuscripts, speeches, resume/CV, etc.) and business records. We also take in maps of the area (our oldest map is from the 1500s and is in full color), paintings of the area or by local artists and other neat things that capture this area.

After many years of figuring out myself and my beliefs, I have decided that traditional organized religions don’t work for me. I was raised Catholic: went to a private Catholic school, went to church all the time, etc. However, I was displeased at how my church handled questions. I once asked a question about the authority of a parent versus the authority of God/Jesus/Mary (etc.) over a child’s life. The answer was to have faith. That doesn’t sound too bad, but the answer continued: I had to have faith that what the Catholic priest said was true; not the words of the Bible, not what other people in the church said, and not how I interpreted the Bible. And I didn’t like that. I consider myself a very intelligent person and the concept of blindly accepting what one person says just strikes me as wrong. It flies in the face of everything I’ve ever learned about critical thinking. That experience showed me how I approached religion (i.e., it accepts my questions and readily answers them in a logical manner) and that Catholicism would not allow me to exercise that approach. Since I also believe that religion is a highly personal thing, I made the decision to leave the Catholic church and pursue a religion that supported what I wanted out of religion. I found that in Buddhism. One of the best books I’ve ever read was The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.

I’ve dealt with a lot of medical crap the past few years, which I’ll cover in another post.

Oh, yeah. Sometimes, I’m funny. It’s usually a very dry or sarcastic funny.

Weird, random fact: when I’m extremely tired, my humor degenerates to random, loopy things AND I become very cold, temperature wise.

Also, WordPress is messing up the time. I’ll fix it. It’s fixed.

Oh, hi

•2010/04/08 • Leave a Comment

So I’ve decided to graduate to the big kids’ world by transferring my old LJ over to a WordPress blog. I’m still learning all the fun things that WordPress can do; I’m sure that I’m missing some awesome features.

So, bear with me.

Feature: I will not use people’s proper names because I respect their desire to maintain a degree of privacy in their lives. What I will do, though, is assign them a title or nickname and put that title or nickname in ALL CAPS.

Also, to help those who I’ve befriended online get to know me, I will attempt to end each post with a random fact about me. You see, I find a lot of joy out of doing completely random things. One of the more recent bits of randomness I did was look up at my HUSBAND and ROOMMATE, around 8pm, and say “Hey, let’s go to the beach”. Keep in mind that even though it’s Florida, it is still really freakin’ cold out at night, especially on the beach. There was also a constant breeze that night. We stood out there for maybe 10 minutes (I even took my shoes and socks off and ran into the water. I immediately screeched some random obscenity and ran back onto the sand) before going back home.

Random Fact O’ Me: My sense of smell is just plain awful. Nine times out of ten, if someone turns to me and asks if I can smell such-and-such, my answer will be no.

Me, the body

•2010/04/08 • 1 Comment

I seem to have pretty bad luck when it comes to my health. I swear that I’m absorbing everyone’s chances of having nasty conditions so that they don’t have to suffer.

Here’s what I’ve dealt with most of my life:

  • Asthma – exercise & allergy induced
  • Lumbar spinal stenosis – congenital but didn’t start flaring up until I was 17
  • Random allergies, all discovered after the allergy attack started: penicillin, amoxicillin, reglan, ethromycin.

Random, acute conditions:

  • Ovarian cysts – always on the right ovary (in fact, for a while, some doctors thought I didn’t have a left ovary at all!)
  • Gall bladder (Dec. 2007 – August 2008): had all the classic symptoms (URQ pain after eating, nausea, pain during HIDA scan, acid reflux), but every test came back within normal ranges. Doctors finally performed exploratory surgery in August and found a tiny lump of tissue (not cancerous) on the backside of my gall bladder. My gall bladder was evicted that day and I’ve been fine ever since.
  • Appendix (December 2008): I was playing WoW one night and felt quite sharp pains to the right of my belly button. The pain increased dramatically if I coughed or pushed on the area. I immediately suspected appendicitis; my HUSBAND’S GRANDMOTHER had been in the hospital just a month prior for appendicitis, so I knew what symptoms to look for. However, everyone I talked to assured me that it wasn’t appendicitis because “the pain is so intense, you’ll KNOW it’s your appendix”. I went to bed & woke up at 6am in excruciating pain. I went to the ER and, of course, had normal results on my CT scan. My doctor didn’t want to discharge me, though, in case it was appendicitis, and admitted me for overnight observation. Around 7pm the night doctor checked on me and saw that my pain was escalating much faster than either Morphine or Demerol could keep up with and suggested that I have an emergency appendectomy that night. I remember sobbing in the hallway outside the operating theatre; at least with my gall bladder, I’d had a chance to talk to my FAMILY in the event that the surgery didn’t go as planned. This emergency appendectomy didn’t allow for that. I survived, obviously, and ended up sitting on a couch Christmas morning, penned in by my HUSBAND and FATHER (usually I run around at Christmas and distribute presents. I was in too much pain to do that this year but I tried, anyway).
  • Kidney stones (2009/2010). Severe stone attacks in the right kidney even though the stones themselves are tiny. Doctor is still researching to find the cause. I’m in so much pain that I only sleep two to three hours a night.

I was on Yaz birth control from fall 2007 to March 2010. Most of these health problems have occurred while I was on Yaz and there is a class-action lawsuit against Yaz because of its incredibly nasty side-effects. I am considering joining the class-action lawsuit because it’s far too coincidental for so many things in my body to fail in such a short period of time.

Random fact: my medical maladies always occur on my right side. Also, most ‘gold standard’ diagnostic tests don’t work on me (HIDA for my gall bladder, CT scan for appendix). The kidney stones & ovarian cysts, though, behaved.

Protected: Me, the worker

•2010/04/08 • Enter your password to view comments.

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